


Loved You with a Fire Red, Now it’s Turning Blue

by AncientCovenants



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Communication, M/M, apology, coming home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:02:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27069073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AncientCovenants/pseuds/AncientCovenants
Summary: Sometimes it’s too late to apologize…And sometimes, it leads you home.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	Loved You with a Fire Red, Now it’s Turning Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Dealing with the DMV during quarantine is horrific… which means little to no sleep for me and a brand new story for you!

This was the part they both hated.

The part that left them raw and bleeding and vulnerable—

The part that had them lashing out to protect themselves with bitter words, sharp and cutting to tear the other down.

The last part of the wall between them they had to tear down to build their home.

“I don’t know if it’ll _ever_ be our time, Michael. I’ve run away too many times when you just needed me to be there. I’ve hurt you too much—to the point where you can’t even bear to look at me…”

Michael gulped, trying to swallow down the bitter pill of truth he’d been presented with.

“Is−is that what you _think?_ ” he asked quietly, mind racing to try and unravel every facet of Alex’s statement. “Is that what I _made_ you think?”

 _“Yes.”_ Alex shook his head, frowning. “No.” He sighed in defeat. “I don’t know…”

It was unnerving, seeing Alex so off-balance when he was normally so sure and steady. He didn’t know how to fix it, this, _them._ Tangible things he was brilliant at but _this?_

He wasn’t about to go down without a fight though. The universe might have thrown them off track and scrambled their navigation systems, but they still knew where they wanted to go.

All they had to do is learn how to read a map.

He threw caution to the wind and did something he’d never done before.

“I never did apologize…” Alex’s eyes snapped to his. “For all the things I did wrong, for all the things I messed up between us. I’m sorry. And I know that doesn’t make it better, and I know it doesn’t fix things but, Alex, I’m sorry.”

It was like flicking a switch to reboot their system and suddenly he could plot a course exactly to where he wanted.

“I’m sorry I never came to say goodbye to you before you left for basic. I didn’t want you to _leave,_ I didn’t want you to leave _me_ —and I was so terrified you’d never come back that I didn’t want to say goodbye… because saying goodbye felt like an ending—and I never wanted us to end.”

He took a step closer and Alex let him.

_There was hope._

He kept going.

“I’m sorry that I became a man you were ashamed to be seen with.” Alex shook his head, ready to defend him—even from himself—but right now he needed him to listen. “No, let me say this. I know—I _know_ part of it was your dad getting into your head but I let him get into _mine,_ too. I let myself become a man you couldn’t be proud of because part of me believed I wasn’t good for you, would never _be_ good for you… so I became the man he already thought I was, a drunk and a criminal… and I never _once_ tried to prove him wrong.”

Another step.

“I’m sorry.”

He swallowed, trying to clear the lump in his throat.

“And I am so, _so_ sorry that I _ever_ let you feel like I looked away. I never blamed you for what happened at Caulfield… it was my fault, _I_ killed my mother trying to get her out of that place—I cracked the glass and it set off some sort of failsafe that triggered the self-destruct.”

He took the last step to stand right in front of Alex who was shaking his head in denial. He _knew_ him, maybe even better than he knew himself and, in this instance, he knew that he was blaming himself.

He brought his hands up to steady him. “It wasn’t your fault, you have _never_ been a Manes man like your father, all you have _ever_ tried to do is help people because you, _you_ are a good man, Alex Manes, the best of men. You _love_ and you _give_ and you _protect_ even when no one’s asked it of you.”

Alex held onto him as he broke and was remade, tears falling down his face that Michael caught and gently brushed away.

“Is it any wonder that I fell in love with you?”

He listened as the most beautiful sound came from his lips, something between a sob, a laugh and an exasperated scoff.

The route was charted and he could almost see their destination in the distance.

“I didn’t come home that day because I felt like I wasn’t the man you deserved. I needed to work on myself first, to learn that the person I’d become could still be loved.” Alex met his eyes and smiled. He’d read between the lines and heard the unspoken, ‘It couldn’t be you because you have _always_ been biased and I needed an outsider’s perspective.’

_He always was brilliant._

“Your song was beautiful, by the way.” Alex’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I know you thought I left but I couldn’t, not completely. I stood by the door and listened to every note, every word… and I walked away. Because I think you needed the same thing I did. To know that _you_ could still be loved as well.”

‘Through an outsider’s perspective because _I’ve_ always been biased when it comes to you, too,’ went unsaid but he knew Alex heard it all the same.

“I’m sorry.”

Their foreheads rested against each other’s, hearts once again beating in sync, marking the end of their bittersweet epilogue.

He felt more than heard Alex’s whisper across his skin.

“Would you come home?”

He pulled back, just enough to meet his eyes.

“If you’ll still have me.”

Alex wrapped his strong, steady arms around him and drew him in. The hug, warm and sure, felt like a _promise._

_‘Always.’_

It felt like _home._

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this because I had the song 'Apologize' by One Republic stuck in my head. I even used a line from the lyrics as the title. By the time I was done, the song had changed to 'Home' by Daughtry. I kept the title the same though because a blue flame burns hotter than red and signifies the complete combustion of air and fuel. Or, in Malex terms, they actually learn to communicate and be open with one another leading to a stronger relationship… which I would really love to see on the show.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
